Ordinary Beauty

I suppose I have spent more time on our invitations than on anything else for this wedding. I don’t want to count the hours of thought and effort.

My first wedding, I dunno know what I was thinking, the breadth and quantity of people I invited. I was young and socially inept.

Now, I am old, and still somewhat inept. And my venue has its limitations, so I have–for months–been grappling with the disparity between the numbers of people I love, and the number of people the venue will comfortably hold.

We started with listing all the many folks whose company we enjoy and whose blessings we would cherish. Of course, we added certain “obligatory” names to the list; who could believe we hadn’t. But here’s the thing about the Obligations–I don’t feel ambivalent about any of their invitations, those people belong at my wedding.
The total number of names … damn. It was a big number. Much larger than our venue– OR, our introverted natures–would tolerate. So we cut things down to just family, and those dearest of friends (you know, those friends who would donate one of their lungs to you, without question). That number was still huge (uh, over eighty names).

And pretty much I’ve been losing sleep over it ever since.

So, if you thought you would be receiving an invitation in the mail, and you did not–please know that the lack is not because you don’t shine in my eyes. The lack is my lack.

Perry and I decided this weekend, that if three weeks from now, after the wedding, hindsight reveals some “we should-uvs” and we have regrets about things or people we did not include in our wedding, well, we’ll just have another one. Refresh our vows and all, and have another party while we’re at it.

Okay. I made additional effort, and added some things to our amazon.com registry. Not much, mind you, but I did add something “traditional”. :-)

A few things to consider if you are in Seattle in July.

It rains on July 4th, invariably, and is nice every day after that until the end of September (well, pretty much). “Nice” means up to 75-80 degrees on average, and daylight until, oh, 9:00 or so.

The Henry is NOT charging admission from now through Labor Day. I am overly fond of the James Turrell Skyspace and recommend you visit it perhaps on a Thursday when the museum is open until 8:00 and you might get the most effect of the changing of light in the evening. Or, on a day when the wind is blowing the clouds quickly through the sky.

Lunch 2.0 — I don’t know what this is but it looks interesting and is at Zillow. I ~heart~ Zillow.

Here’s a whole collection of events in Seattle in July. Hmmm.

And, Seafair. Including the Milk Carton Derby at Greenlake on 07 07 07 from 11 to 4.

An interesting looking channel, Eccentric Seattle. Again, I have not looked at this, but hmmm.

Wooden boats. I also ~heart~ wooden boats.

Note, not “what makes a marriage”, but, “what makes a wedding”?

Many artists and geniuses are contributing to the schemes and details of my Big Day. The key players and elements include our priest, our cake, our caterer, and, our “clown”.

Steffon Moody is working his magic on the course of events. His day job is to delight children at Children’s Hospital. His role at our wedding is multi-faceted, and cannot be discussed, as that would ruin several surprises :-) …

Robby Pellett is our priest, and I’ve talked a few times here about his gifts to our day.

Tibero Simone, my dear, dear friend, will cater. But to say only “cater” does no justice to his way with food and affairs.

Tobey Rodriguez of Sugar! cake studio is building a cake the likes of which has never been known. About that I cannot say much, again at risk of ruining secrets.

My dress is the work of Isadora’s. And today, Perry acquired his vest, cravat, and ring there.

Photos will abound.

Michelle Bates is sharing her Holga talents. John Cornicello will be capturing sweet and sultry images of the guests in their glory. Jeff Richardson has some video magic up his sleeves.

Nicole Kincaid has agreed to clear the energy from our wedding rings, before Robby blesses them.

Jon Rosen, Rebecca Ryan, “Doc”, Michal Szostalo, and Rob Medcalf are all inclined to musically augment the day.

And those are just the Big Parts … there are so many details.

T minus 20 days, and I can FINALLY say that yes, I know what I am going to wear. It took an attitude shift: yesterday on the acupuncture table I realized that I ought to stop thinking, “I need to look for a dress” and start thinking “I am going to find a dress.” And then on my way home from that acupuncture appointment, I popped into Isadora’s to take a quick survey. The time on my parking meter was about to expire (if it hadn’t already) so a rapid survey was all I had in mind.

Isadora’s is known for their luscious vintage clothing, but they also sell their own line of vintage-inspired pieces. The staff was very helpful, and not at all brusque or condescending, and I ended up lingering and discussing my dress desires with one of them. She said, “How about a halter style, I have one that might be just right.” She turned to find it on the rack, and then said, “Oh, she has it on right now.”

And across the room walked a bride, in pretty much The Perfect dress. Silk, semi-princess-ish, with a low back … Perry’s been voting for a dress with a low back.

I had that dang parking meter to deal with, so I asked if the store was open on Monday, when I knew that Perry and I would be back downtown anyway, found out that it is, and made my way home, to announce, “I think I found a dress. We can look at it Monday.” In that way he has, Perry says, “Well, are they open tomorrow?”

So this morning I Google up their website, find the photo of the dress, it piques his interest, and we head off for Isadora’s.

However, I have some reservations, for the website’s description of the dress says, “The Elizabeth w/ Chiffon Overlay Skirt. In House Design . . . Choice of fabrics and made to order.”

Made to order. I have less than three weeks between now and the Big Day; there’s probably no way that I’m going to obtain a Made to Order dress. I consider calling the store to confirm the (im)possibility of having the dress made in time–save ourselves a trip and all–but I decide that if there’s only a slim chance, I’m better off to make my plea in person than anonymously over the phone.

We get to the store at about 11 on a Sunday, and have the place all to ourselves. Excellent. I try on the sample of the dress known as Elizabeth w/Chiffon Overlay Skirt, and it’s too big. Our assistant, Miko, pins things smaller in the back and I pirouette and Perry approves.

Miko offers that the dress is available to try in my size, without the Overlay Skirt, so I don that to see how it is, and it is much better, but because of more than the size appropriateness.

I ponder, why do I like this second gown more? It’s the shine of the fabric I think, a silk charmeuse rather than the sueded silk of the first. And it’s the color, too, I think–they call it “oyster”. But I am not so certain of the cut. And, we go back and forth with combining elements of the two dresses and nothing is quite working. So I put the Oyster dress back on, then added a lace jacket from the rack beside me. Nice.

But the jacket was too large, and there was only one, but, our Lovely Assistant, again, offers, “well, we also have these pieces that a woman in the south makes from antique laces” … and she disappears–to return with an ethereal little wisp of a jacket. When I slip it on over the gown, it is, perfect. It pulls everything together, and finally, I can say, “I have a dress.”

So, what will you be wearing on 07-07-07?

What a tricky topic. There’s official etiquette on this: the soon-to-be-married couple is supposed to convey their (our) desires, but not ask for anything … like, when asked, “Are you registered anywhere?” our job is to answer, “Yes, we are registered at ______” but any specific/direct requests for gifts is verboten. Oh. And the other thing we are allowed to do is let a good friend know our wishes, and have faith that folks will ask that person about our wishes.

But we must not provide such info ourselves!

You know, I get it, and pretty much I agree. Perry and I, we’re in kind of funny circumstances, you know. We don’t have the traditional emissaries for distributing such info, like an official Best Man or Matron of Honor. And what with this being our second marriage, and we’re all grown-up with lots of “stuff” (okay, too much stuff). And really, it means the world to us, the little things, like our friends being so happy for us, and other friends offering to help in whatever way. I mean, we’re already fortunate beyond reconciliation. So, we started out pretty much discouraging folks from giving us anything.

That doesn’t work too well.

So once we accepted that people do ENJOY giving gifts and we buckled down and made ourselves a LITTLE list, we did have some success with the drop-a-little-clue technique of broadcasting our wish-list. Perry whispered it to his mother, Patricia, and she relayed it to her daughters, Nancy, Cathy, and Donna. And so, last month when he and I visited St. Louis, his sisters each bestowed us with a ROCK. There they are in the lower right-hand corner of the photo above.

We LOVE rocks. We have a great, big garden to house rocks, and adore the ways that rocks speak to people. The note below is the one that Donna included when she gifted us with a rock; I think it says a lot.

By the way, in case you are asking, we did make a Wish List at Lee Valley, and are working on a registration at Amazon. Forgive us, it’s hard work asking for things … I guess it’s been a long time since I wrote a letter to Santa, and I am out of practice.

You know, he was appointed to a vacant school board position, served the balance of that term, was elected to a new term, and now, subsequent to a petition to remove him (and others) from the position, he has just filed his candidacy to run again.

This, in the face of some incendiary heat that has risen as schools are being closed. Heat that is coming from parents and teachers’ union and teachers and staff and press.

Is he running for school board again out of spite? Does he really care about the kids, the families?

Or does he spend all that time coaching kids’ softball and T-ball and soccer and baseball, and all that time volunteering at the senior centers, and all that money at fund-raising auctions, and all that time in school board related meetings, because he can’t find anything better to do?

Re-elect Michael P. Jacobs?

Think about it. Ask hard questions.

We met with Robby again last night. This time to talk with more detail about the marriage ceremony he will give us. I am still thrilled that Robby is doing this; his questions and comments and the overall essence of his ceremony is so right. It gives me assurance that my marriage is so right–that this marriage is a true part of my path and that this marriage binds me to the world in a larger way. And those feelings/beliefs are important to me.

In the ceremony, part of what Robby will say is, ” … nothing happens without cause and that this union of these two individuals is the working of all creation throughout time and space.”

Pretty big.