What we referred to as a “damage control email” went out to no fewer than 35 friends of the lung-donating variety. It broke our hearts to have to write it. The day of the event, it did feel like some people were missing, so each person who was there took on the role in my mind of representing a larger community – one woman represented my group of women from college, one guy represented Dan’s old buddies; two couples represented our entire urban tribe, the Space Virgins.

If you’re feeling a social obligation to some people just remember that this union is happening later in life and that the ceremony is about you and Perry and who you’d like to bear witness to your vows. It is inappropriate for someone to impose themselves selfishly by expecting an invitation.

You & Perry, just as Dan & I, are so blessed with the number of people in our lives we can call on as friends. Many people wanted to celebrate with us. Our solution: a Masquerade Ball for 400 later that spring. We saved on the largest expense of a party of that size (the alcohol) by providing a cash bar benefiting a non-profit.